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That indescribable, unmistakable voice... that's right, here's a list of Madeline Kahn sound files. Some are classic bits of dialogue, some are fine examples of her excellent singing voice. All are thoroughly enjoyable. (I'm still working on it, so be patient.)


THE ADVENTURE OF SHERLOCK HOLMES' SMARTER BROTHER

father.wav -- Sigerson: "What does your father do?" Jenny: "He's the janitor in Browning's Bank in Clearwater Street." Sigerson: "Browning's doesn't have a bank in Clearwater Street." Jenny: "Poor Papa! I wonder if he knows!"

letter.wav -- Jenny: "Mr. Gambetti promised not to show my fiance a, a... a foolish letter I wrote to a silly young man I met in the country." Sigerson: "What was in the letter?" Jenny: "Nothing. Nothing. It was just a frivolous, innocent little note." Sigerson: "What was in the letter, Ms. Hill?" Jenny: "Won't you call me Jenny?" Sigerson: "What was in the letter, Ms. Hill?" Jenny: "By the way, do you mind if I call you Siggy? Sigerson seems so formal." Sigerson: "WHAT WAS IN THE LETTER, MS. HILL?" Jenny: "I said I wanted to touch his winkle!"

whowhat.wav -- Sigerson: "Exactly who and what are you?" Jenny: "My name is Jenny Hill, and I am simultaneously funny and sad."

kangahop.wav -- "The Kangaroo Hop," sung by Madeline, Gene Wilder, and Marty Feldman.

love.wav -- sung by Madeline.

opera.wav -- sung by Madeline.

ANYONE CAN WHISTLE

mytown.wav -- "Me and My Town," sung by Madeline.

miracle.wav -- "Miracle Song," sung by Madeline.

simple.wav -- "Simple," sung by Madeline.

parade.wav -- "A Parade in Town," sung by Madeline.

leanon.wav -- "I've Got You to Lean On," sung by Madeline.

cookie.wav -- "Cookie Chase," sung by Madeline.

woman.wav -- "There's Always a Woman," sung by Madeline and Bernadette Peters.

leanon2.wav -- "I've Got You to Lean On," sung by Madeline and Walter Bobbie.

BLAZING SADDLES

comeonin.wav -- Lili Von Shtupp: "Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome, come on in."

A BUG'S LIFE (movie)

otherway.wav -- Manny (Jonathan Harris): "It is up to me to rescue the performers." Gypsy: "The stage is the other way, dear."

talentsc.wav -- Flik (Dave Foley): "I have been scouting for bugs with your exact talents!" Gypsy: "Ah! A talent scout."

breakup.wav -- Gypsy: "I can't believe the troupe is breaking up... we've always been together."

A BUG'S LIFE (video game)

others.wav -- Gypsy: "Now you just need to find the others."

offwego.wav -- Manny: "That's all of us, then!" Gypsy: "Off we go!"

stepup.wav -- Gypsy: "Step right up!"

andnow.wav -- Gypsy: "And now for Manny the Magnificent!"

manny.wav -- Gypsy: "Manny?... Manny!"

CLUE

flames.wav -- Mrs. White: "Yes... yes, I did it... I killed Yvette... I hated her so much, it, it, the, it... flames, flames -- flames on the side of my face... breathing -- breathle -- heaving breaths... heaving breaths..."

grttrick.wav -- Prof. Plum: "How did you get in?" Mr. Green: "The door was locked!" Mrs. White: "It's a great trick."

howmanyh.wav -- Col. Mustard: "How many husbands have you had?" Mrs. White: "Mine or other women's?" Col. Mustard: "Yours!" Mrs. White: "Five." Col. Mustard: "Five?" Mrs. White: "Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like kleenex, soft, strong, and disposable." Col. Mustard: "You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies." Mrs. White: "Flies are where men are most vulnerable!" Col. Mustard: "Right!"

illusion.wav -- Wadsworth: "But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared." Mrs. White: "Well, that was his job. He was an illusionist." Wadsworth: "But he never reappeared!" Mrs. White: "He wasn't a very good illusionist."

killpubl.wav -- Mrs. White: "He was deranged, he was... lunatic. He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public." Ms. Scarlett: "Why would he want to kill you in public?" Wadsworth: "I think she meant he threatened in public to kill her." Ms. Scarlett: "Oh."

lifeaft1.wav -- Ms. Scarlett: "Do you miss him?" Mrs. White: "Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life."

lifeaft2.wav -- Ms. Scarlett: "Maybe there is life after death." Mrs. White: "Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage."

noboddy.wav -- Wadsworth: "Mr. Boddy's body! It's gone!" Mrs. White: "Maybe he wasn't dead!" Prof. Plum: "He was!" Mrs. White: "We should have made sure!" Mrs. Peacock: "How? By cutting his head off, I suppose." Mrs. White: "That was uncalled for." Ms. Scarlett: "Where is he?" Wadsworth: "We'd better look for him!"

optimist.wav -- Mrs. White: "He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man, I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died... but he was found dead at home, his head had been cut off, and so had his, uh... you know."

please.wav -- Mrs. White: "PLEASE! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here?"

COSBY

gotaman.wav -- "I've Got a Man," sung by Madeline.

lockdoor.wav -- Pauline: "Well, if he wants to be helpful, what you do, first thing in the morning, you ask him to take out the garbage... and then you lock the door."

piano.wav -- Pauline: "Having a man in the house all day is like having a piano in the kitchen: it's beautiful... but it's in the way."

thatlife.wav -- "That's Life," sung by Madeline and Bill Cosby.

whatisth.wav -- Pauline: "Wha, wha, thi, what, what, what, what, what... what is this?"

nononono.wav -- Pauline: "But I, I suppose he, he, he must be married." Hilton: "Divorced." Pauline:"Ah... but he must be going with someone new." Hilton: "Well, I don't know, do you want me to ask?" Pauline: "No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... well, yes."

trialmbr.wav -- Ruth: "This is crazy! Why would Hilton join a group of gay men?" Pauline: "Well, maybe he didn't join... maybe he's just a trial member."

feelings.wav -- Ruth: "He [Hilton] said these are the '90s, and he has feelings for Chuck... and something about the mortgage, I didn't understand that part." Pauline: "Hilton and Chuck? Well... he has very good taste."

romance.wav -- Ruth: "This is all my fault. With everything that has been going on, I have just let the romance just slip out of our lives." Pauline: "No you haven't, Ruth! Oh, didn't you... didn't you go to Epcot Center last May?"

modmjgen.wav -- "Modern Major General," sung by Madeline and Jim Dale.

justfine.wav -- Ruth: "Are you alright?" Pauline: "Actually, I am just fine. Uh... and now, if you will excuse me, I'm just going into the back room to weep endlessly into a cracked mirror."

idosay.wav -- Pauline: "I do say... that... is that, and you... just... think it over."

koolaid.wav -- Debra: "I know you did it, Ruth. Oh, ou just couldn't stand to see me on the cover of Jet, could you, girl? I know that! I know that!" Pauline: "Alright, now, listen here, Miss Red Dress Pulling Up Her Skirt And Jumping On Mr. Rhyming Man. Alright? Now, that is what you get for being all up in your daughter's Kool-Aid without knowing, without knowing what the flavor is! And in closing, I would add, and I am sorry about this, but darling, I think you have as much chance of being on the cover of "Jet" magazine as Lil' Miss Kathie Lee Gifford."

FRANK LOESSER REVISITED

rumble.wav -- "Rumble Rumble Rumble," sung by Madeline.

THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN

lsintro.wav -- Dave: "Ladies and gentlemen, here she is... Madeline Kahn!" (Audience applauds. Madeline enters as bandleader Paul Shaffer and the band play "I Feel Pretty," which Madeline had performed with Paul and the cast on Saturday Night Live twenty years earlier; a sweet gesture on Paul's part, I thought.) Dave: "You LOOK pretty." Madeline: "You know... thank you very much. Oh, I should face you this way, is that correct?" (Adjusts her position.) Dave (laughing): "Well, do whatever... whatever you're comfortable with."

earlysnl.wav -- Paul: "Early Saturday Night Live, Madeline Kahn hosted show number, what was it, about number eight?" Madeline: "Oh dear, I don't know the number of the show." Paul: "In the series, yeah." Dave: "Well, let's take a look at the clip." Madeline: "Oh dear!" Paul: "No, we don't really have a clip." Dave: "Oh, we don't have a clip?" Paul: "No." (Madeline and Dave laugh.)

gloves.wav -- Dave: "Ah, you're wearing gloves. I wish more of our guests would wear gloves. It's very..." Madeline: "I tell you..." Dave: "It's nice. It's a, a lovely touch of elegance we don't see much of anymore." Madeline: "I thought it might um, help... well, it's a little chilly in here. Ah!" Dave: "Aw, come on!"

plane.wav -- Madeline (referring to Bill Cosby's private jet): "And it's a beautiful, uh, plane..." Dave: "But, uh, Bill Cosby doesn't fly the plane, does he?" (Pause.) Madeline: "He doesn't navigate the plane, no." Dave: "No..." (Laughs.)

MIXED NUTS

lifesvrs.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik: "You have reached the office of Lifesavers. All lines are busy. If you are truly on the verge of suicide and calling from a touch-tone phone, press 1."

janet.wav -- Caller: "...and I can't stop worrying about the planet." Mrs. Munchnik: "And what is it about Janet that is worrying you?" Caller: "Not Janet. The planet."

true.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik: "Men are not true to anything. They will have sex with a tree."

fcake.wav -- Philip: "Merry Christmas, Mrs. Munchnik." Mrs. Munchnik: "A fruitcake?" Philip: "....Yes." Mrs. Munchnik: "Remarkably like the one I gave you last year."

elevator.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik is stuck in an elevator. In her desperation to call for help, she opens the gifts she was taking to a Christmas party and finds a children's tape recorder/microphone, ostensibly a gift for a niece or nephew. From there, it's sheer Madeline lunacy.

dogs.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik: "Don't think I don't know what's REALLY going on between you and those dogs! Hmmph."

nextxmas.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik: "Well, I will be at your house some time before next Christmas, but that's all I have to say."

midwife.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik: "If you go into labor, or anything along those LINES... just don't expect any help from me. I am not a midwife."

blanche.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik: "He is going to pay for this. He is going to pay for this, or my name is not Blanche Munchnik."

affair.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik: "Well, I can assure you... if you think your husband is having an affair, he is."

cherry.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik: "Um, I'm sorry, may I help you? Uh, the person you were just speaking with has not taken the Lifesavers training program." Caller: "Shut up, Grandma!" Mrs. Munchnik: "Oh!" Caller: "I'm not busting your cherry!" Mrs. Munchnik: "Oh. I'm simply crushed. Here I've waited my whole life for you, and now you don't even want me. Do go on, I believe you were discussing my cherry."

seaside.wav -- Mrs. Munchnik: "Are you the Seaside Strangler? Well, listen here, Mr. Seaside Strangler: I am calling the police, I am getting the reward, and you will go to a maximum security prison, where a very large, hairy man is going to make you his girlfriend!... I am not your type. I am short, and my hair is short. I am attractive, I suppose I do fit that part of the description... but I am not young! I have never been young! Although I do look considerably --" Gracie: "Would you knock it off?"

ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY

vernique.wav -- "Veronique," sung by Madeline.

never.wav -- "Never," sung by Madeline.

privwrld.wav -- "Our Private World," sung by Madeline and John Cullum.

gotitall.wav -- "I've Got it All," sung by Madeline.

together.wav -- "Together," sung by Madeline.

shesanut.wav -- "She's a Nut," sung by Madeline and Kevin Kline.

babbette.wav -- "Babbette," sung by Madeline.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

nohome.wav -- (1995) "Ain't Got No Home," sung by Madeline.

SESAME STREET

duckie.wav -- "Put Down the Duckie," a short clip sung by Madeline.

bemyecho.wav -- "Be My Echo," sung by Madeline and Grover.

TWO BY TWO

goldram.wav -- "The Golden Ram," sung by Madeline.

YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN

betboots.wav -- Elizabeth: "Oh! You're incorrigible." Frederick: "Does that mean... you love me?" Frederick: "You bet your boots it does."

dodo.wav -- Elizabeth: "Excuse me, darling... what is it exactly that you do do?"

poopoo.wav -- Elizabeth: "Honey? Did you see? I put a special hamper in the bathroom just for your shirts, and the other one is just for socks and poopoo undies."

taffeta.wav -- Frederick: "Oh, my only love." Elizabeth: "Taffeta, darling." Frederick: "Taffeta, sweetheart." Elizabeth: "No, the dress... it's taffeta. It wrinkles so easily." Frederick: "Oh."

taffeta.mpg -- video clip of the train station goodbye scene between Madeline and Gene Wilder.



Ben Phillips

mkahnfan@aol.com